Is Monogamy a Myth?

by lauran on June 12, 2011

A great article by Jessica Bennett, a Newsweek senior writer, in The Daily Beast (awesome name!) takes a good look at how monogamy just isn’t working.

For lots of people.

According to Bennet:

“There are now online forums for acting polyamorists, a magazine called Loving More that has 15,000 subscribers, perhaps and somewhat surprisingly, the results of a 14,000-person Oprah.com survey—in which 21 percent of people said they have an open marriage.”

A fifth of Oprah’s survey respondents claim to live in an open marriage – that’s a lot of people.

There are even more who own up to cheating – some studies claim over 60% of married people are willing to admit to having affairs.

So way over half over all married people have sex with someone other than their spouse. And a fifth of Oprah’s online survey has some form of marriage that tolerates sex with people outside of the marriage.

According to a quote in  the article Is Monogamy a Myth? New Books Rethink Our Ideas of Fidelity – The Daily Beast.

“Humans aren’t monogamous, we need to get over that,” says Ken Haslam, a retired anesthesiologist who curates a library at the Kinsey Institute. “We fool around. We do! And if you don’t fool around, you want to fool around.”

That feels like truth to me.

I believe that all those people who are married and never physically stray still have deep urges driving their sexuality. Or maybe they turn off their sexuality completely in an effort to stay monogamous.

That’s one of the interesting things about feelings.

You don’t get to have just good feelings. Either you feel emotions or you don’t.

And, if you do feel, then you’re going to have some feelings that are not pleasant. If you decide to shut off those feelings you’ll start to lose the ability to feel anything, good or bad.

Maybe sexuality is like that. Maybe you have two choices.

Option 1 – own your sexuality and work with your partner (or partners) to mutually explore what’s possible and what works for you

Option 2 – shut down your sexuality and repress anyone who thinks differently than you do

Okay, I know it’s not that black and white. But the vocal minority sometimes make it seem like it is. Read the book mentioned in the article and you’ll see her perspective. Maybe monogamy is a myth.

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What about you – where are you in the scale of owning and exploring your sexuality?

Let me know…

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