When did you first realize that you wanted sex?

by Lauran on May 26, 2011

Can you remember the first time you came?

Were you alone or with a friend? Outside surrounded by nature or behind the closed doors of a private place in your home?

I remember getting myself off while taking a bath and hearing my family in the rest of the house. I still like having sex while having to keep quiet so the people right outside don’t hear us.

Have you heard stories of baby animals that attached to a human because it was the first thing they saw? They imprinted “mother” on that person and we all do this to some degree. If your Mom gave you warm milk and a cookie before bed you probably still feel loved when you smell fresh baked cookies.

Your sexual imprinting is probably hidden from you. It’s a mixture of sights, sounds, smells, and experiences that define sex for you. Some of your imprinting is built into your cells as a human. Some of it comes from books or movies. And some from your earliest sexual experiences.

We imprint based on how much charge we have on the event. You may not remember your first orgasm but you probably remember getting caught or nearly getting caught while having sex. Or maybe you remember that wild night in Mexico because you stepped so far outside your comfort zone.

Most of our sexual experiences are not so charged. We joke about “playing doctor” but kids naturally explore their bodies. And most of those experiences do not create much sexual imprinting. They are just part of our sexual identity.

A friend of mine told me about walking into the bathroom to help his young daughter out of the tub. He glimpsed her masturbating and deliberately made some noise in the hallway. Both he and his wife were open about sex and bodies but she was only five years old and there hadn’t been a “birds and bees” talk. He gave her a bit more time before he opened the door and walked in. She let out a sigh and said, “That was a good itch, Dad!” He ruffled her hair and held out the towel.

My childhood was not like that. Most of instructions I received about my body were more along the lines of, “Don’t touch yourself there, it’s nasty.” But that didn’t stop me and my cousins from playing, touching and sexing in many ways.

When we got caught my parents weren’t as loving as my friend. Lots of charge around those events and there’s still something about forbidden sex that turns me on. And it’s no surprise that sex play as a child with male and female cousins led to my enjoyment of both sexes as an adult.

Deliberately defining and creating your life as a sexual adult starts with understanding what was going on when you first realized you wanted sex. Thinking about how you got started as a sexual being can lead you to richer experiences now. Try talking about it with a partner and see what happens!

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